Lost and Found (Sorrow and Hope)
by Little-light-little-dark
Summary: A Guardian struggles not only with her fate, torn between Light and Darkness, but also with her feelings for a close friend. Contains explicit smut!


Lostara strolled away from the crytptarch with a derisive snort, having received yet another Edge Transit from an engram she'd found in the EDZ. He muttered something about the Void as she pulled her hood up, obscuring her face and her wry smile. A thousand times she'd done this same thing. A thousand deaths for the same life. It had been a long time since Ghost had needed to rez her though. Zavala greeted her, always so glad to see guardians alive and performing their duties. Always so glad to know they were still defending even now. He was good, to the core. So good that he never left himself room for flexibility. Cayde called it wiggle room. The thought of old Big Blue wiggling almost made her laugh out loud as she went down the steps to see her Vanguard. She didn't have a solid reason she could give for her visit, but it had been some time since she had heard his knowing laugh and she knew he'd be happy to see her. She'd been gone a while, searching for something she wished she had left behind, and now her head was more of a mess than usual. She always felt comforted by Caydes presence, had been drawn to his humour and verbosity since the first day they met. She forced herself to walk, not run down the metal stairs. The smell of machinery and the buzz of electricity hit her before she entered the hangar and she instantly felt more at peace. The Last City had felt strange for a while, compared to the old Tower. But that was long gone and this was home now. They had done what they could - there were parts that felt warm and safe, but she and many others couldn't get past the absence of familiar faces. Everyone felt more distant than before, somehow. Even the Vanguard no longer stood in the same room. The Traveller still bore the scars from the Red War, it's fractured pieces desperately still orbiting it's sad looking body. _We're all still scarred, in one way or another_. Her sombre expression broke into a smile when she saw them.

Cayde-6 stood talking to Amanda Holliday, not noticing Lostaras arrival. He put his hands on his hips and shook his head. _Well that can't be good._ The Colonel, however, came running towards her, all feathers and enthusiastic clucking. She picked up the friendly old chicken, tucked her under one arm and produced some seeds from a small pocket on her chest armour.

"You only want me for the food, Colonel." The hen ignored her and carried on pecking frantically at her hand. Lostara looked up to see Holliday striding towards her, several blueprints rolled up in her hands. She blew her blonde fringe out of her eyes and grinned. She smelled faintly of fuel and had her usual smudge of oil on her cheek. "Howdy Guardian, ain't seen ya around for a while."

"Yeah, I just got back. It's good to see you, Amanda." The shipwright smiled. She had one of those welcoming smiles that made her whole face light up. It really was good to see her friend again.

"You too Lost, we missed you. Just been harrassing Cayde about some new ship designs. Again. We don't have the parts yet but he thinks he might have some of what I need...on Nessus of all places, and apparently only he can get them, because he's not actually sure where they are, but he can't leave." She laughed and rolled her brown eyes.

"Hah, sounds like him. Must be one of his caches. I'll see if he'll let me fetch them for you, can't promise anything but doesn't seem like there's much else to do." She gestured to the half empty City. "Is that why you're making new ships - boredom?"

"You betcha! You'd think no disasters or war would be a good thing, wouldn't you?" The two women laughed but the humour never touched their eyes. No one really liked admitting that they struggled with the peace.

"Right, I guess I'll go say hello and see what I can do about those parts for you." Amanda lowered her voice and leaned closer.

"He's a little snappy today, so don't push it. If I know him, he's feeling it more than we are. Keep me in the loop, Lost." Holliday clapped her on the shoulder as she walked away and Lostara gave her a joking salute. Holliday had become one of only two people she really considered a friend. The other stood a few feet away, watching her with bright blue optics for eyes glowing under a hood very much like hers. His deceptively human voice echoed around the large metal clad room.

"Lost and found, she returns!" He threw his hands in the air. "It's been a while. Hope you've been causing trouble for me." He winked and grinned at her but she heard it. Relief at seeing her, but also the bitterness at being tied to the City, and the boredom that plagued them all in these days of relative calm. She put the Colonel down on the floor and watched the chicken scuttle off to find someone else with food. She turned to him and put both hands on the table, trying to appear relaxed.

"Sorry Cayde. Been running errands. You know how it is. Ended up doing a few patrols for Dev in the EDZ. Popped a few Fallen, couple of Cabal. They're just squabbling amongst themselves over nothing. Otherwise it's fairly calm there. Dev's happy at least, says he's getting too old for this shit anyway." She grinned at him, although she didn't feel like grinning. Cayde looked up from his map and sighed. "So you didn't get to break any rules, no dancing on the Vanguard line of decency? That's a shame. Zavala will be pleased though, he'll think we're reformed characters."

_You could just tell him. He wants trouble, you've found it. No. Now isn't the time. And it's not right to drag him into it. You gotta figure it out on your own. But not now. It's been waiting for years, it can wait some more. You need a goddamn break._ He paused, studying her for a second. He smiled but then his face tightened into a scowl. "We gotta do something about this lull, Lost. I know you've been busy but I've been losing my marbles from boredom."

"Well it wasn't much fun, to be honest. More of a fetch and then just some clear up. Pretty dull really. Only took so long because they're so spread out." She hoped she didn't sound like she was hiding something.

"See, that's what I mean! It's bullshit. Hunters weren't made for fetch quests and patrolling the same dead areas over and over again any more than we were made to be stuck behind walls. We should be out there, doing something useful. I can't even be pissed at the Vanguard because they're trying, but man, it feels like we're missing something. This quiet...I'm telling you, it ain't right." He folded his arms with a metallic scraping noise and began pacing back and forth. The _clunk, clunk, clunk_ sound of his boots bounced around the hangar. She watched him anxiously but kept a poker face. This wasn't like him, he'd normally laugh it off and plan the next line of missions whilst half jokingly begging her to take him away_. I've gotta get him out of here. But how?_

"I feel it too, Cayde. We all do. It's probably worse for you, being stuck here. But something weird is going on, because nothing's. Going. On." She slapped the table firmly. "We just gotta find something half important to do, somewhere. Something we're probably not supposed to do..." _Just not that. I can't face it yet. But it would be so good to get away and do something useful, and not on my own for once._Her green eyes glinted dangerously and he met her gaze. His Exo mouth seemed to smirk at her as he quietly said "Talk dirty to me, Lost." His words hung in the air for a second longer than they should have and she felt her cheeks burn faintly. Their friendship had always been light-hearted and flirty but not in a serious way - but every now and again he would catch her off guard and she would find herself angrily fighting off thoughts that had no place here. She cleared her throat and spoke quickly.

"Holliday mentioned something about new ships and how you might have parts for them -"

" - yeah, on freaking Nessus. Like I told her, no can dosies."

"I can tell you don't really believe that. Why, anyway? We've gone out on missions together before."

"Because it was an emergency, and we were the only ones who could do it. You might remember our last safe zone getting blown to hell? That's Vanguard business. Fetching spare parts from a cache I haven't touched in years for some crazy new ship that's only being considered because there's nothing else to do? Not vanguard business. Apparently. I'm on a leash here Lost, you know that." He rubbed his temples wearily. His misery broke her heart and hardened her resolve at the same time. She stood up straight and folded her arms.

"What's Zavala gonna do? Give you a slap on the wrist for not being around to advise Hunters that aren't even here? Most of them are out in the field, setting up camps in groups and not returning for weeks. They're looking for fights, for anything, because they're sick of doing the same mundane shit every day, just like you are. They're sick of feeling like their lives have lost meaning. Some people I used to run with spend their days taking it out on each other in the crucible. They call it preparing for the next catastrophe, I call it frustration. Ikora knows damn well you need to get away, guarantee it. I'd bet we could even get her to cover for you. I did restore the light, remember? I'm positively the golden girl around here." This time her grin was genuine. His eyes flashed in response and he jutted his dark blue chin out proudly.

"Fuck it, I'm in. Vanguard needs new ships, am I right?"

_Well that was easy_. She mused. _We always did have a way of talking each other into doing silly stuff, I guess._

"Let's get outta here. Just you, me, and a missing cache. And some Vex. Oooh and some alcohol!" He pulled Ace of Spades out of its holster and spun it around his finger in that absent minded way he had just before he shot something in the head. "Ace agrees, don't you girl?" Without thinking, Lostara stepped closer and kissed him on his cheek where the familiar blue light pulsed happily. "I missed you, Cayde." _Should not have done that._ The thought flicked through her mind but before she could make a joke he put a hand on her face, his strong and strangely human feeling fingers stroked her cheek softly as he whispered "I know. I'd miss me too." She swiped his hand away playfully, covering the confusion that must have shown on her face.

"So, about our little sojourn to Nessus. I'll talk to Holliday, you grab your ship. I'll grab some supplies too. Gonna need Ramen."

"What about Ikora, Cayde? She's gonna worry if you don't tell her something. And if she's worried she'll get one of her hidden to hunt us down, you know she will."

"Don't worry sugar lump, I got it covered." She rolled her eyes.

"Dawn?"

"Bright and early. Catch the worm and all that jazz."

"Look forward to it. See you in the morning, O mighty Vanguard." She bowed in his direction and he laughed before turning his back. She caught a glimpse of him writing something down on a scrap piece of paper. As she walked past Holliday she shot her a quick salute and mouthed "Tomorrow." The shipwright stifled a squeak of joy and silently clapped her hands.

_Well that's made Cayde and Holliday happy...gonna piss off Ikora and Zavala though. But I kinda like it._ All other thoughts were immediately pushed away as she began planning what to pack for a trip away with the infamous Cayde.

She stayed up much later than planned, having taken longer to clean up her ship than she'd anticipated. Lostara was not used to company other than her beloved Ghost these days, and he'd long since given up lecturing her about the virtues of tidiness. He had congratulated her on making an effort, before launching into another speech on why taking Cayde out of the City was in all probability, not her brightest idea. She thanked him for his sage advice, patted him on his shell and told him to power down until daybreak.

She snuggled down in the middle of her firm but comfortable bed and listened to the thrumming of nearby ships. Sleep came quickly but her dreams were vivid and troubled.

_The cage closes around the Traveller and every Guardian in the Galaxy feels it. The ripping of a limb, but much deeper. A rending of the soul, painful not in any way she could possibly describe. Suddenly incomplete, almost empty. Grasping for a part of herself that until that moment she'd unknowingly become so reliant on, unable to reach it no matter how hard she'd tried. Defeated, she plummeted towards death, cut off from everything that had made her... special. Powerful. Ghauls terrifying laughter rings in her ears and all she could think was it's over, I've failed. The hero falls. Ghost, I need Ghost. Why can't I hear him? By the light I hope he survived..._

_Now she's stumbling through the streets, half dead, unsure where to go. Dragging a useless leg, holding a broken arm. The pain makes her vision go black and she leans against the remnants of a wall to catch her breath. Across the destroyed path she spots the glint of armour underneath some smoldering rubble. A Guardian. Dead. No Ghost to be seen, a final death. A scream claws its way up her throat and bursts from her lips full of rage, terror and sorrow. She sobs, crying in a way that she'd not done since her previous life. Then nothing. Blissful, silent, dark nothingness._

"Eyes up Guardian. Lostara! Wake. Up!"_ Ghost? Thank the Nine, you're okay. I'm fine, just leave me here. So tired._ She tried to ignore him, soaking in the sheer lack of everything. The relief.

"If you don't wake up I'm going to tell Sundance to tell Cayde the trip is cancelled." _Wait.. what? Cayde. Is he ok?_

She opened one eye and was confronted with the worried blinking eye of Ghost hovering right over her face. The pale blue light illuminated half the room and she realised she was alive and in her own bed, although she couldn't remember why she had felt so... Unsafe.

"Dude, what the hell? I told you not to wake me until sunrise!" She croaked at him.

"You were having nightmares again. I think it was pretty bad this time. You screamed for me, and Cayde. Then you didn't breathe for longer than I was comfortable with. So I made a calculated decision and woke you up. You scared me." His shell twisted left and right as his light blinked at her. She pulled herself up and ran a hand through her unruly dark hair then plucked him out of the air to hold him gently.

"I'm sorry buddy. Its fading already, but I think it was flashbacks again. Being separated from you still traumatises me, apparently." She looked away, uncomfortable. Ikora had set up a support group for those who still struggled with the memory of losing their Light, with grief and other traumas, but she'd never attended. Killing enemies had become her therapy and she'd used her newfound abilities to great effect outside the City and against other Guardians in the Crucible and Gambit. You could only do that so many times, though, and her relationship with the Drifter had become uneasy. _He knows something. I'll have to talk to him sooner or later._ Ghost softly interrupted her jumbled thoughts.

"You can talk to me. When you're ready. We're still here, we're safe." There was a sad kindness in his voice. "It's almost dawn. You still want to do this? I mean..." He paused, knowing he didn't need to go on.

"Yes, Ghost. I need to get away and get my head on straight. He needs it too. It'll be good for us, and we might even get those parts. Yeah we'll get told off, but we're used to that." She had a rebellious set to her face.

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it. Just be. Careful. There are some wounds even I can't heal for you." And with that he vanished, leaving her alone to contemplate his words.

"Coffee first." She sighed.

Cayde paced up and down on the dock next to a bag that he'd probably overpacked. His tattered cloak billowing behind him. He'd checked and double checked everything with the help of his Ghost, Sundance. She was excited but had complained about having to hang out with Lostaras "uptight" Ghost, much to his amusement. Holliday would look after the Colonel and he'd even left a note for Big Blue and Ikora. He was sure they'd calm down after a couple of days.

"Yo, Holliday!"

The shipwright came down the steps to his right, bleary eyed but cheerful.

"Morning. All set? Still not sure why you wanted me here this goddamn early." She squinted at him and cocked her head. "Did you...did you polish yourself? You're looking mighty shiny!" She started laughing but stopped when he frowned at her.

"Hey, even an Exo cares about their appearance sometimes." He brushed his front with both hands proudly.

"Well I'm sure Lost will appreciate the effort, if she doesn't get blinded when she looks at you." More childish sniggering.

"Fuck off, Holiday."

"Oooh you're so sensitive lately. You really do need a break. So does she, I'm sure it'll be good for both of you, if you don't get each other killed. But you'd better not 'cuz I want those parts. Gonna make you a real pretty ship -"

"Don't you say it." His voice was only half amused. She fell silent and winked at him. He let out an exasperated sigh.

"So. Remember. You don't know exactly where we are, just that we're on a salvage mission because you're running low on spares. Etc. Etc. Don't want you getting into trouble with Big Blue. And you know where the chicken feed is. Oh and I left you some brewskis."

"I'll be fine, Cayde. I can handle Zavala. Thanks. Look lively, here she comes!" Holiday nudged him in the direction of Lostaras ship making its way to the dock. He turned around and grinned, the lights in his face growing brighter.

"Damn creepy ship. Swear to the Nine her and Eris have the same stylist." He chuckled to himself and approached the ships passenger door, which opened before him, revealing Lostaras familiar smirk. He noticed she had some make-up on, jet black liner that enhanced the green of her eyes. They shined with enthusiasm at him and he was reminded of how much those eyes had seen since she was found not even five years ago. _She's so young, but so...not._

"Good morning, Mr Vanguard Sir. I seem to have been charged with a salvage mission, but I could use some company." The excitement in her voice was infectious and a pleasant surge shot through his body.

He winked at her. "Hey... Take me with you." So many times he'd jokingly pleaded with her and hundreds of other Hunters with those exact words. _By the Light am I glad it's her taking me away, though_ came the somewhat unwelcome thought. He hefted his huge bag up onto his shoulder and climbed aboard. They both turned around to wave at Holliday, who saluted them and shouted "Don't forget my parts, you two!"

"We won't!" They shouted back in unison then laughed as Cayde shut the door behind him. There were a few seconds of quiet as he put his bag down then strapped himself into the large, padded passenger seat. Lostara waited, then pressed a couple of buttons and pulled back on the steering wheel, launching them away from the dock and steadily into the sky. He felt the weight of the City and his Vanguard responsibilities sliding off him and he sighed contentedly.

"Feels good, huh?" She asked him, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. He looked relaxed.

"Sure does. You get much sleep last night?"

"You saying I look tired?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Never. You're a machine. I'm still convinced you're secretly an Exo too." He grinned at her.

"Sorry to disappoint you but nope, still a squishy human. One in need of a drink. What did you bring?"

"My moonshine, obviously. You know you love it really. And plenty of Ramen. Forgot water though." He tapped two fingers against his chin thoughtfully.

"Good job I've got water then. And ammo. Please tell me you brought ammo."

"Certainly did. Can't have Ace going hungry! You still packing Malphurs old gun? Man, I still can't believe he gave you that. He must have serious faith in you, Lost."

"Yeah, I love that gun. But..." She bit her lip and frowned to herself, lost for a moment in messy thoughts. _I'm still not sure what I'm doing. Wielder of both light and dark. Drawn to both. Damn you Shin._

Cayde cleared his throat and brought her out of her reverie. "Shin getting to you? Reminds me of Zavala, only Big Blue has a better sense of humour."

"Shin, and other stuff. But that can wait for now, don't wanna think about it."

"Couldn't agree more. Less depressy, more progressy. We've got a Nessus to land on and a camp to set up. I assume you've got a tent around here somewhere?" He scoured the ship hold over his shoulder and turned back to her just in time to see her cheeks burn red.

"Hah, erm. Well. I don't actually have one. I always stay in here, I'm so used to travelling alone these days I didn't really think about it. I guess I just assumed you'd bring one. Sorry." She pursed her lips and resisted the habitual urge to run a hand through her hair.

"So you're telling me I'm forced to share a bed with a beautiful woman who also happens to be the Guardian who was instrumental in saving us all, twice? Oh, no. How will I cope? I'm devastated. Can't you tell?" He broke into a full bodied laugh. She just looked at him, thoroughly confused.

"I'm not even sure how to respond to that. What's so fucking funny?" She tried not to laugh and waited for him to calm down. _Beautiful? Yeah he's mocking me with the hero stuff again, but...he's never said that before. Stop it, you're being ridiculous._

"Huh, well. That was fun." He wiped at his eyes, an oddly human and unnecessary gesture. "I'm sorry Lost, you were just so awkward about it. You know I get a kick out of making you blush. I shared a bed with Zavala once you know, long time ago. Needs must. And you're a lot prettier. So if you don't mind, I don't mind. Lost?" _There he goes again. What the..?_

"Sorry, I was just wondering who was the big spoon. Even Big Blue needs a cuddle sometimes." More raucous laughter, this time from both of them. They filled the time spent in warp with conversation that flowed easily or in comfortable silence, the way only true friends could. Lostara kept an eye on the ship here and there. After some time, Ghost made them jump by popping up in front of them.

"I hope you're paying attention, Guardians." Ghosts voice was mock stern. "We're approaching Nessus. On course to land in the Watchers Grave area. Expect mild Vex and Fallen resistance. And Cayde, you could always sleep on the floor."

Cayde rolled his eyes. "Still all business, eh Ghost? Hey Sundance!" His Ghost appeared at his side. "Teach this guy to live a little whilst we're away, won't you? Needs that teeny tiny stick removing from his teeny tiny butt."

"Thanks, but as you can see, I don't have a butt. And -"

"- And even if he did, I wouldn't touch it. But he's right, you need to loosen up a little." Sundances frame twisted around merrily, her decorative gold plating shining in the warp speed light. A flashy Ghost for a flashy Hunter.

Ghosts voice was thoughtful. "Well, I suppose this is a kind of vacation. I'll see what I can do. Just remember we can't abandon our duty completely. And be careful." His blue eye flicked in her direction, then back to Cayde.

"Consider me reminded, my dear Ghost." Cayde gave him a thumbs up and Sundance sniggered.

Lostara pulled her focus away from them and back to the ship. She took them out of warp and double checked the course. "Not long now, folks. It's nearly Nessus time. Oh, Cayde. Try not to get stuck in a Vex conflux loop this time, please?" She didn't need to look at him to know the face he was pulling. "Oh ha. Ha. Very funny. Trust me, that's not happening again. Why does everyone always bring that up?!" She snorted with repressed mirth. Cayde pretended to be annoyed. "Well as long as it brings you joy, Lost. Laugh it up."

They sped through Nessus' atmosphere with a merciful lack of turbulence and made their way towards Watchers Grave. Lostara marvelled at the landscape appearing beneath them. The Vex had begun converting Nessus a long time ago and as a result a lot of the land had been shaped into cuboids or perfect spheres. Bright white crackling radiolarian fluid, (otherwise known as "Bot milk") ran in waterfalls, small rivers and lakes all over the place. Put one foot in that and your shield would instantly start depleting. Keep your foot in too long and you'd find yourself being rezzed by your Ghost. Most of the foliage was a stunning deep red. From up here the canopy looked as if a giant creature had spilled it's blood in an effort to keep the Vex at bay.

They landed with a thud on a square metal structure with distinctive Vex designs all over it. Red brush covered a lot of the ground and most of the rocks were converted into cubes, with the odd group of spheres dotted about. There were patches of natural land but you had to really look for them.

"Woohoo! Let the vacay commence!" Shouted Cayde as he got himself out of his seat and bounded towards the door. His enthusiasm was contagious and Lostara followed him with a warm smile on her face. As he threw open the door they were hit with the familiar, somewhat oppressive humidity and smell of Bot Milk - which was not really something that could be described, alien as it was to all but it's creators. Both Ghosts zoomed out in front of them, accustomed to racing ahead to perform a quick scan for enemies. Conical white light beamed from their eyes as they darted around. Sundance was the first to loudly declare: "All clear! I think. Seems pretty quiet to me." She sounded suspicious.

"I concur. Not sure I trust it, but there's no recent signs of either Vex or Fallen. But I advise caution - this area was often the site of a turf war so who knows when they'll be back." Ghosts shell spun around thoughtfully, unmaking then remaking the mark of the Hunter emblazoned upon it.

"Seems as good a place as any for the night. And we might actually get to relax a little before going on this wild goose chase." Lostara spoke through a yawn as she stretched her arms above her head and walked down the ramp, her boots touching Nessus for the first time in months. She'd always liked it, despite the Vex and the heat. _Some good memories here._

"Aaah, hello Nessus. Hey, we should pay Failsafe a visit tomorrow! I'll bet she's missed the old Cayde-Unit. Wonder if she's still crazy?" He pondered as he strolled about, taking in the surroundings before turning to Lostara.

"As a box of frogs. Be good to see her though. She'll know we're here pretty soon. I hope she found another captain to keep her company."

"If she did I can guarantee they're not as patient as you, Lost. Had you running around here like a madwoman."

"She lost everything, I felt sorry for her. I still wish I could've got her out of here somehow. But I guess she's happy here now after so long."

"Always rootin' for the underdog. I'm surprised you hang around with me, considering I'm the best and all." His face plates became a wide grin, waiting for her comeback.

"I know right. I mean there's absolutely no way someone as brilliant as you would get turned into a backpack or stuck in a transport loop, or -"

"All in the line of duty, and all done with style, may I remind you. Even without limbs I still looked goooood." He spun Ace around his finger and reholstered it in a flash before performing a cartwheel.

"Smug asshole. Just don't lose any limbs whilst we're here unless you want me to wear you." She double checked The Last Word, which was strapped safely to her leg. She then removed her amoured jacket, and let the sun hit her bare arms. The vest she wore had been white once but was now slightly grey. She lay the jacket on the floor and sat on it by a perfectly cuboid rock which she leant against. The sun baked stone felt good against her skin. Not having armour on felt good too, although it made her a little anxious. She felt Caydes optics fix upon her and met his gaze. He held the eye contact for a second then looked away, scuffing at the dusty floor with one foot. "No comment." He mumbled, then walked off to find Sundance, presumably. She smirked. *

_Got him that time_. She stroked her weapon absent mindedly. It had felt right the first time she'd held it, in the best way. The Last Word didn't scare her the way Thorn did. It still made her feel slightly nauseous if she held it too long. Unless it's killing. Most Guardians had heard the stories and rightfully mistrusted it. The Drifter had somehow sensed that her curiosity would outweigh her fear and they worked together to replicate the legendary Thorn - one of the Weapons of Sorrow and wielded by the Guardian killing Titan, Dredgen Yor. The Last Word had finally put him down and now all these years later both weapons vied for her attention. It was an itch she couldn't let herself scratch too often. Ghost distracted her, alarm in his voice. "Caydes wandered off. South, according to my scan. That's where I found Sundance, anyway."

"It's fine, Ghost. He's just scouting. Had to resist the urge myself. You can check on them if you like but I'm staying put for now." She hauled herself to her feet. "Someone's gotta set up for dinner." She got up and walked towards the ship.

"I'll keep scanning, but if they're not coming back within fifteen minutes I'm going to check. I'm sure they're fine. But..."

"I know, can't be too careful. That's your motto isn't it." She called from inside, amidst banging noises as things fell from storage cupboards. "Now where did I put the cooking pot?" Ghost wasn't listening, he was too busy watching for the others and running scans.

"So why did you tell them you had parts if you weren't sure?" Sundance sounded frustrated as she buzzed alongside Cayde, who walked slowly, pushing branches out of his way.

"I made a bet with myself. Holliday would blab to her, she'd convince me to let her look for them..."

"...and you bet that she wouldn't let it go despite you saying no and you'd have to go with her. That's pretty sneaky, Cayde. Even for you."

"It's the lull, 'Dance. It's getting to everyone. Half the Guardians are giving up, the other half are spoiling for a fight. Nerves are on edge everywhere you look. I'm telling you, something's happening. Or not happening at all, and either way, that means something is gonna happen. You get me?"

"Not even a little. But if something is going on...why leave? Indulge me."

"Mostly selfish reasons. I really did need to get away for a few days. And maybe we can salvage some useful stuff. She needed a break too, I mean she's been under more pressure than most of us can even begin to understand. No wonder she seems so tense. Plus..."

"Don't tell me, I don't need to know. If I don't know, I can't be held responsible for your idiocy."

"You also can't talk me out of it."

"Precisely. I'm gonna sound like ol' stick-up-his-butt, however - just think it through, for both your sakes. I think you guys make a good team, so don't piss her off too much. I like her."

"Me too, 'Dance." He sighed heavily. "C'mon, Ghost has probably got his panties in a bunch by now."

_What is wrong with me? Gotta let it go, Cayde. Got no business thinking like this._ He followed Sundance as she scanned for the way back, trying to shake his mood off. He should be happy, but suddenly everything seemed so... complicated.

"They're back! Lostara, they're back!"

"Okay okay, calm down. I told you they were fine."

She felt herself relax as Cayde appeared at the edge of Watchers Grave, all cockiness and gleaming metal underneath his Hunters cowl. Sundance hovered at his side. She hadn't liked him vanishing without telling her, but she'd hidden it. Ghost panicked enough for both of them, plus she understood. He was used to working alone.

"Sorry guys, just a swift scout around. The Tangle is still half wild, it's nice down there. No Vex either."

"That's weird." Scowled Lostara. "Very weird. Where are they?"

"Don't know, don't care. Not our business right now, remember?" He said breezily, but she heard the tremble of concern in his voice. She raised an eyebrow at him. "We can report back to Zavvy when we get home, alright. Make us sound like we were being extra useful too."

"Yeah alright. Good plan."

"See, not just a pretty face. Oooh you started dinner, awesome!" He followed the smell into the ship, his optics glowing at the prospect of his favourite food. He didn't need to eat, but Lostara knew how much he enjoyed it sometimes. Hell, the whole City knew about his love of Ramen. What most people didn't know was that he'd undergone several procedures to enhance his senses. Maybe that was why he seemed so human compared to most other Exos. Cayde had never let go of his humanity, and she was grateful for that. She walked into the hold to find him sat on her bed, pulling a large cargo box out of his bag.

"Aaaaah, my beautiful moonshine." He looked up at her. "We'll be cracking this after dinner." She grimaced and put her hands on her hips.

"It's glowing, Cayde. And kinda green."

"Yep. Perfect! How long has it been since you let your hair down, Lost? Too long I'd say."

"Fair point. I'm not getting too trashed, though."

"Yeah we'll see." He seemed to smirk at her, and she knew he was planning on getting as drunk as possible. _If that stuff can get him drunk, what the hell will it do to me?_ She laughed inwardly. He was right, it had been too long since she took time out to do something frivolous. _If there's nothing to shoot, we might as well find a different way of having fun I suppose._

They ate outside in silence, aside from full mouthed comments about the food. The Ghosts patrolled the edges of the area, doing occasional scans and talking amongst themselves, glancing back at their Guardians now and then.

"I think they're talking about us." She mused, sucking some sauce off a finger.

"They must be stuck for conversation, bless their cotton socks." Cayde put his bowl down and patted his stomach. "I'm stuffed. You make some fine Ramen, Guardian. I should travel with you more often."

"Just say the word, boss."

"Don't call me that."

"Don't call me Guardian then."

"Ah, touchè. Force of habit, sorry. You know you'll always be my Lost and Found. Hey, that would make a great weapon name. You should look into that."

"If you think I'm conceited enough to get a weapon forged in my own name then apparently you don't know me at all, Cayde."

"Ah stop being so humble. This self effacing shit isn't helping you, you know." He sat up straight and leant towards her. "I don't know what's eating you, Lost, but I intend to find out. It's more than the lack of work. The maddening peace. Don't get me wrong, I know it sucks. But I get the feeling that you're struggling with something. I just...I just need you to know you can trust me, okay? What happens on Nessus stays on Nessus and all that jazz."

His sudden earnest outburst caught her by surprise and she couldn't look him in the eye, so she just sat staring at her fork, twisting it around in her fingers. _Now what?_

"I do trust you. More than anyone. I'm fine, Cayde." Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. He still looked concerned and reached out to put a hand on her arm. He squeezed gently. "Well alright then. You know I hate it when I have to get serious. Now call me an asshole or something." She was looking at her arm, where his hand had been.

"Asshole. Suns going down, we'd better go inside."

They packed everything up and took it back to the ship. Cayde called the Ghosts in and Lostara put the dishes in a little water. Once the Ghosts were in, she shut the door firmly.

"Who's up for a game?" Said Cayde gleefully. Ghost groaned. "Cayde, I really don't think -"

"With all due respect little guy, I wasn't asking you. In fact I'd say it's time for you and Sundance to power down for a few hours. What say you, Lost?"

"I'm inclined to agree. Take a load off, Ghost. I promise I'll shout if I need you. Enjoy the rest."

"Very well. But don't get too drunk." Ghosts eye seemed to burn into her and vanished abruptly. _He's pissed. Can't watch me all the time, buddy._

"You too missy. Trust me it's no fun watching other people get drunk. Goodnight."

Sundance sighed petulantly. "Fine. But don't have too much fun without me!" With a popping noise she disappeared as well. It was eerily quiet without the hum of the Ghosts in the background. She was first to break the silence. "Right, well I'm gonna change into my pajamas. You make yourself useful and wash the dishes. And no peeking." _Fuck, why didn't I think of changing earlier? Screw it. I'm not staying in armoured pants all night._

"Jammies? You have jammies?!" Cayde chuckled. "And scouts honour, no peeking." He saluted with two fingers and winked at her. She pursed her lips and motioned him over to the sink. "Alright, alright I'm going. Slave driver." She heard the smile in his voice. She pulled a loose vest and a pair of thin linen pants out of her bed. Both black. Not strictly pajamas, but the most comfortable clothes she owned and considering she spent most of her life in armour, she didn't have much else. She'd never been particularly bothered about her looks, being a Guardian had consumed everything. Her hair had been cut short years ago but now hung past her shoulders, naturally dark and wavy with a mind of its own. Some Guardians took great care to be fashionable and beautiful but she just didn't have the patience for it. _Maybe I was like this in my last life. They say certain things carry over. Would my past self approve of what she's become?_ _Probably best I don't remember her. Or the other stuff._ She took off her top and stroked the white scar just underneath her soft belly. She knew it meant she'd been a mother, but was grateful for the lack of memory. She listened out for the sound of Cayde doing the dishes as she pulled the vest over her head and undid the zip on her pants. There was a bang and a splashing sound. "Whoops!" He cried, and she laughed, shaking her head. _Can take out a small army of Vex in seconds, can't be trusted with dishes._

He tried to stop himself. But the sound of clothes being removed had proven too much for his admittedly weak resolve and he'd lifted his arm up to inspect the pot he was washing. His freshly polished plating gleamed under the ships lighting and showed him a half naked Lostara. He caught just enough to make out the curve of her waist and a little of the side of a breast. Blurry, but enough to send a shudder of electrical impulses through his body so strong that he dropped the pot just as she was about to undo her pants. She laughed in response, apparently unaware of his transgression. There was an unwelcome sensation in his groin. _Damn thing. Should not have had that done. The price I pay for wanting to be more...me, I guess._ He had vague memories, mostly pieced together by journals left for him by his previous selves. One incarnation had convinced him to cling to his humanity, "emotionally, and physically" and told him he'd thank him later. So he had, but this particular asset had been an annoyance more often than not. The engineer had warned him about synthetic testosterone but had been happy to take his glimmer. Still, he was used to it for the most part. _This is something else though. It's never been like that, no one's ever done that to me from across the room. Stop it. Stay in control, Cayde. Get a drink and calm down._

He jumped when Lostara appeared next to him. "You look very offended by that pot." She remarked. He laughed nervously, still shaken. "Damn thing wouldn't come clean. Got it now though." He set it down and dried his hands. "Time to drink. And play a game. You in?"

"Absolutely. How do I win?"

"You don't. Unless the other person passes out, I guess."

"Uh-huh. Well I'd best not do that then." She reached into a cupboard and pulled out two glasses. Now that he could walk, he went to get a bottle of the green liquor and sat on the bed. He patted the space in front of him and grinned, wondering if he looked as guilty as he felt.

Cayde grinned at her wickedly from the bed and she couldn't help but grin back. She sat in front of him and passed him a glass. He half filled it and passed it back to her, then took the other one and half filled it for himself. He still wore his cloak, looking every inch the Hunter. She realised he'd probably never seen her look so "normal" and she ran a hand through her hair self consciously. Their weapons sat on a table together, within reach out of habit. He drummed his fingers against the glass. "So. Ever heard of "Never have I ever?"" She shook her head. "Well it's a drinking game, a very entertaining one, designed to both embarrass and enlighten each other. One of my past selves told me about it. Informative guy, that one. You say "Never have I ever...I dunno, pet a chicken." Then whoever has pet a chicken has to take a drink. If you haven't, you don't drink. Simple, right?"

"Uh oh. Well I'm not sure I'm interesting enough. But we can give it a go I guess."

"Awesome, I'll go first. Hmmm. Never have I ever... Annoyed Zavala." They both drank, smirking. "Your turn, buttercup."

"Never have I ever... Banked less than ten motes in Gambit." She drank, he didn't. "Liar!" She accused him, laughing.

"Swear on the Colonel. Lowest count was eleven banked." Then quietly, he added "And thirty four lost." He cleared his throat.

"Thirty four! Bet your team loved you!"

"I never saw them again, I'll tell you that much. You still owe me a game by the way."

"Yeah, I've been kind of avoiding the Drifter. I like him, but I dunno. He was pissed when I got involved with Shin. If you ask me they're two sides of the same coin."

"Trust nothing but your instinct, Lost. Number one rule. Also, dont let either of them hear you say that."

"Hmm. Your turn."

"Okay...never have I ever got crushed by a Cabal drop pod, got rezzed, and immediately been squished again." Both of them took a long drink. She laughed and wiped green liquid from her chin. "Ah man. That shits embarrassing. Happens to everyone at some point though."

"Ikora ripped me about it for weeks. Until it happened to her." His eyes flashed happily at the memory.

They carried on for a while, gradually getting merrier on the surprisingly pleasant drink whilst reliving funny moments with their fireteams or people they'd met along the way. She lay on her side and propped her head on her hand.

"Okay, so let's get personal. Never have I ever had a crush on another Guardian." She went to drink but he interrupted. "A crush? I'm sorry, are we thirteen now?" She rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Been attracted to, sexually or romantically or both. That better?"

"Much." He drank and watched her over his glass as she drank too.

"So who's the lucky Guardian? Who could possibly win Lostaras affections?"

"Nuh-uh. You don't get to ask that. I'm not telling anyway." She stuck her tongue out at him.

"I'm not letting this one go, Lost. Filing that one under "bring up when she's not expecting it.""

"You can try. Notice I didn't ask you about yours."

"I'm an open book. Elsie Bray is one. Before I got to know her. She's far too stern for my liking, but it was nice to see another Exo Hunter around."

"Understandable. I admit I've found a few people attractive but nothing major. For the most part."

"It's the _not_ most part that intrigues me." It was his turn to raise an eyebrow at her. She ignored him. _This is getting risky...I could just tell him. Get it over with. Blame the drink and avoid each other for a bit, then wait for it to blow over._ But that didn't seem like a very appealing option.

"I got a big one. You're not gonna like it."

She snorted and collapsed into a fit of laughter, the kind that made you cry and struggle for breath.

"Grow up, woman!" But he was laughing too. Once they'd composed themselves enough, Caydes voice became sombre and he leaned close to her. He did not say what she'd hoped he would. "Never have I ever... felt the pull of the Darkness. Heard it's call and wanted to answer."

He saw the light fall away from her eyes and it broke his heart, but he had to know. _That was always your problem, Cayde. Always gotta find out, even if it hurts those you care about. But this is important_. She sat up faster and straighter than a normal human would've managed after so much alcohol and with anger tainting her voice, she spat "Fuck you, Cayde."

"There it is. That fire you've been missing. So? C'mon Lost. This is me. It's just us. Is that what's been bothering you?"

"Is that what all this was? Let me talk you into coming all the way out here, "on vacation", get me drunk and get a confession out of me? Get me to admit I'm going fucking Dark side and betraying the Vanguard? Are you really here or are you just on a mission? What if I am turning, huh? What's the plan? Kill Ghost and then me? Just another dead Guardian to add to the pile?" _Oh, wow. I've fucked up. I've really fucked up._ He stared at her, shocked by her sheer rage and the wild accusations. He knew he'd poked the right nerve, though.

She was beyond furious. White hot rage boiled in her veins. She felt humiliated above all. Humiliated and betrayed. And scared. Cornered. She felt so many different things that she didn't know where to start so she settled for pure anger. She paced up and down the ships hold, accusing him of all sorts whilst she tried to organise her thoughts. He approached her like she was a wounded stag. Carefully, quietly, with worry in his eyes. Hands out in front of him, palms open.

"Don't fucking touch me." She snarled.

"I'm not gonna. I just wanna talk to you. Please, Lost? Look at me." He pleaded with her but she refused and turned her back on him. She braced herself against a wall, resting her forehead against it's calming metallic coolness. Her breathing was still ragged but she'd run out of words. _Does he know? Is he spying on me for Malphur? Does Malphur no longer trust me? The fucking Drifter and his game -_

"LOOK AT ME GODDAMNIT!" She'd never heard him shout before, not like that. It made her blood run cold and she turned around, fighting back tears. He was only a couple of feet away and his eyes were so bright they'd almost turned white.

"What do you want from me, Cayde?" Her voice was quiet, pleading. She hated how weak she sounded. "Yes, I've felt it. I feel it every time I hold that damn gun." He stepped closer, arms still reaching out for her. She rubbed at her eyes and pushed her hair aside.

Caydes face took on a sympathetic look and he sighed. Where he'd sounded suspicious before, he now sounded remorseful and comforting.

"That's not surprising, Lost. It's forged in the image of a Weapon of Sorrow. It's supposed to be evil. I'd be more worried if you felt nothing. But I know what it can do to even the strongest Guardians." His hands were gentle but firm as they clasped her shoulders. She reached up and put a hand where his heart would've been in his previous life. She relaxed a little.

"Exactly, Cayde. What really scares me is... I like it. When I pull that trigger, I feel powerful in a way I never have before. I feel like I'm in control. It doesn't feel right like Word does, but it feels great. And that's terrifying. I just feel so torn between what I know I should do and what I know I could do."

"I'm sorry Lost. I'm so fucking sorry. I shouldn't have asked like that, it was a dick move. I didn't know, I just wanted to get you talking. I knew something was up but I... uh. I can't find the words." He shook his head and looked defeated.

"You didn't know I'd flip out like that." Her smile was humourless."I'm sorry too, it's just...it's not something I'm comfortable talking about. You hit a major sore spot. I just feel like I'm being used by so many people right now, all with their own agendas. They want so much from me and I'm just not sure I can do it any more." Her voice cracked. Cayde didn't think he'd ever heard anyone sound so sad. It hurt him more than he thought possible.

"You have a choice, Lost. There's always a choice. And I'm with you, no matter what. You don't have to carry this alone. You have the brightest Light of us all, and I know that right now, that feels like more of a curse than a gift. You're the strongest damn Guardian I've ever known, but even the best of us needs help sometimes. Let me in Lost, let me help you."

She should've melted into his arms like a woman redeemed, but her temper flared again.

"No matter what, really? And what if I stray too far? You gonna threaten to put me down too? Like The Drifter, Shin and the Praxic Order? Or are you gonna get dragged down with me? I don't trust myself lately, Cayde. And I won't see you go down with me. I care about you too much." She paused and quietly added "I'm not worth the risk."

Caydes temper rose unexpectedly in response - to what exactly he wasn't sure - she'd said so much that his head was spinning, but he was raging inside and before he knew what he was doing, he pushed her against the wall and held her there. She didn't fight but her eyes were burning with anger and despair. There was something else in them that he couldn't quite identify. He stepped closer, so their chests were pressed together. He could feel her heart pounding and it gave him all the conviction he needed. His voice was deep, as though from behind gritted teeth as he told her: "Just, listen for one second. I'm with you. Fuck Shin, fuck everyone who thinks they own us, including the Vanguard. And how _dare _you try to make choices for me? I decided you were worth it a long time ago. Before you became a big shot, before everyone started clamouring for your help and attention. I was with you from the fucking start and I am not about to bail on you! How many times have I told you I live in the grey areas? How many times did I lay my life on the line for you? And you for me? Whether we're in the Light, the darkness or the shadow..." He paused as if he were catching his breath. "I'm your Ace in the hole, and I'll die my final death before I let them lay a goddamn finger on you."

He still held her against the wall, trying not to hurt her but not letting her run away. He looked deep into her eyes and let his words sink in.

His grip hurt, but not maliciously. His hard body kept hers pressed against the wall and she knew he felt her breath on his face, her heart beating against his chest. Her head was racing from his words but right here in this moment, nothing was more important than the screaming desire that seemed to pour from every cell. If she'd had time to think it through she probably would've chickened out, but she wasn't thinking. She was pure instinct, just like in the heat of battle. She pressed her mouth against his with furious need, and despite his lack of human lips it felt like he responded in kind. Her head hit the wall but that just fuelled her lust, and she grabbed at him as if she could possibly pull him closer, her fingers catching at clothes and the edges of warm metal plates. He pressed up against her even harder and she opened her legs a little. She didn't know what to expect but inhaled sharply as she found herself writhing against him, large and incredibly hard. She opened her eyes and looked at him, wide eyed. "Did you get..?"

"Sure did. Now shut up." His eyes had changed to a darker blue and the intensity she saw in them kept her silent. He took his hands off her shoulders, ran his fingers down her arms and held her hands in his, then lifted her arms up and held them in place above her head with one hand. The other hand made its way under her top, her skin prickled as he traced a line up her front, slowly, watching her face for any sign of protest. Her only response was to push herself against him and bite her lip. He smirked darkly and ran his finger across her breast gently, relishing the feel of her skin. Suddenly he gripped it firmly, pinching her nipple hard. She gasped and squirmed against him, acutely aware of how wet she suddenly was. _Don't wriggle too much_. She'd wanted this for so long that she barely let herself believe it was happening. _Surely this is a dream or some kind of psychotic break. I've finally lost my -_ she didn't have time to finish the thought before Cayde, clearly losing patience with clothing, pulled her vest up over her head, over her arms, and flung it across the room. He didn't grab her hands again, letting her have some control back so that he could touch both of her breasts. He grabbed them hungrily and she moaned, then held his face in both hands and kissed him again. He ran his mouth along her jaw, down her neck, all the way down to a nipple and bit her gently. Her hands stayed on his head, which was still covered by his hood. Come to think of it, he was still fully clothed. She grabbed at his chest armour, urging him to remove it, trying to find a button or a zip but not really able to concentrate. He stopped what he was doing, stood up and took it off himself. He threw it on the floor then turned back to her. His chest was broad, the different plates forming perfectly the shape of a slim but athletic man. She ran her hands over him, taking in the feel of him whilst she could, in case this never happened again. Her hands made their way down to his belt and began undoing it. Her eyes searched for his silent permission. He looked up from her hands and nodded almost imperceptibly. She undid his trousers and pulled them down. She smiled and made an approving sound. He looked like a normal man, just made of metal. In the dim light she could just make out that it was segmented, but those segments fit together flawlessly. He was large, but not too large. She let her fingers trace around him then gripped him firmly. She bit her lip, her face full of want as he instinctively bucked his hips forward and groaned at her touch. His hands had been resting against the wall either side of her but one hand shot behind her head to grab her hair. His fist closed, pulling her hair in the most delicious way - it hurt, not in the way that made her want to lash out, but in the way that made her want to submit to him, to put all her trust in him. She closed her eyes and gripped him harder in answer to his restrained violence, savouring the pain and pleasure, the movement of him in her hand. Suddenly, and with apparent effort, he made her take her hand away and he let go of her hair. She relaxed against the wall and watched as his fingers danced around the edge of the waistband of her trousers, stroking the softness of her belly. Normally she would flinch away but his touch was reassuring and she could see in his eyes that right now, he wanted her more than anything in the world. _I never dreamed that he could look at me like this._ She wriggled against him, giving her consent with a smile at the corner of her mouth. He smiled back and ripped her pants and underwear down. They fell to the floor and she did her best to step out of them gracefully, but failed and nearly fell over. He caught her, kicked the clothing away and pressed her up against the wall again forcefully.

He took in the sight of her, naked and breathing heavily against him. He would've taken her to the bed but he was afraid of breaking whatever spell had come over them. The hormones in his system, the bioelectric technology and millions of tiny touch sensors in his "skin" were proving to be a potent combination and he wondered briefly if it might cause an overload. He found it hard to care. Nothing mattered now except her, and what was happening between them. She seemed incredibly receptive to his dominance thus far, judging by the wetness he could feel from her and the way she looked at him and bit her lip. _I'll bet she's got no idea how much that gets me going._ He wanted to be inside her so badly he would've killed anyone who stood in his way, but there was one last thing... something he'd imagined many times but never dared hoped to be a part of. He leaned in and whispered in her ear "I'm going to tell you to do something, but you don't have to if you don't want to. Just shake your head if it's not cool, okay?" She looked up at him, large green eyes full of desire and a hint of fear. "Okay." She barely whispered and licked her lips. He took a step back from her. She didn't move.

"Touch yourself for me."

She raised an eyebrow and let out a soft, relieved laugh. "Is that all? I've been doing that for ages, just you were never there." Her voice was breathy and teasing. It sent yet another surge through him. _She has? That's the hottest fucking thing I ever heard..._

She ran her hands over her chest, the right hand continuing down, the left one caressing her breast. He watched intently as her fingers slipped between to find that sweet spot. He could hear how wet she was and it took all his control not to take her right then, but he kept watching. She arched her back slowly and made a throaty noise. He caught sight of her pulling her nipple roughly and took note. She put a foot up on a box of ammo, which made her leg splay out to the side, and he could really see her. _She's a goddamn expert at this._ Slowly, she slid a finger inside herself and let out a moan, her eyes closed. Her fingers went back to her clit and started rubbing faster than before. _That's it._

He took a step towards her and once again pressed his body against hers. Her eyes opened. They seemed to look into his soul and he was convinced she was the only one who had ever really, truly seen him. He felt how much she wanted him, could feel her fingers still moving, now rubbing both of them. She bit her lip and put one hand on his chest, her fingers clenching and searching for purchase. She was breathing heavily and making little noises that drove him crazy. In a flash he lifted her raised leg, fingers digging into her thigh, and positioned himself against her. He became unthinking, almost feral as he pushed his way inside her. She cried out, and he felt a rush of wetness, felt her tense up around him as he pulled back only to force his way in again. He slammed her against the wall and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her face buried in his neck. It did little to muffle her noises, which came more frequently the harder he fucked her. She bucked against him and for a few minutes they fell into a perfect rhythm, his hands holding her ass and her leg, her nails trying to dig in to his shoulders. He could feel her sweat, her breath. His every sense became heightened and he couldn't help but let unintelligible noises fall from his mouth as she tensed so hard around him that he could barely move. He just about managed to pull back and pushed harder, faster.

She felt herself swelling, that unmistakable sensation, and her cries became higher pitched, louder and more desperate. She could feel him, rock hard and hungry, buried inside her as deep as he could go. Any pain she felt only served to make the pleasure more intense and her whole body tensed until it could tense no more. She felt herself unravel around him, if she screamed she was unaware. For a few seconds she was nothing but pure, awesome ecstasy pulsating against him, lost in the moment entirely. Slowly she realised she'd arched her back and her head was all that touched the wall. She struggled to catch her breath and her legs shook uncontrollably around him as he held her steady. He was still inside her but stood still, letting her recover. He smiled and ran a hand down her cheek, over her throat. She regained some composure and laughed quietly, awkwardly. She'd been about to say something to break the silence when he lifted her up, sliding out of her and carried her to the bed. His eyes said _I'm not done with you yet._ He lay her down and almost lay on top of her. He grabbed her hands, held them down and teased her, testing how sensitive she was. She writhed against him and gasped as he pushed his way inside slowly. Everything was heightened, and little electric shocks jolted through her, or so it felt. He let go of her hands and sat back, kneeling up. His eyes, still dark and serious, looked her up and down. She went to reach for him, but he grabbed her hips and twisted, ordering her to turn over. She willingly did so and lay on her front. Again he grabbed her hips and lifted them up so he could reach her. Suddenly he forced his way inside her again and this time she was aware of her scream. The angle of their bodies made her feel his every movement and she was so sensitive that it was almost too much. He was beyond control now. She grasped at the bedsheet, pulling if off the mattress as she braced herself, pushing back against his frenzied thrusts. His hand found its way into her hair again, a closed fist pulling her head back, holding her in place. She cried out, convinced she would come again, but a different feeling began building up inside her as he slammed into her again and again until she felt a letting go, a rush of warm wetness spraying out from somewhere deep within her and she cried out, a high pitched, desperate noise. She could barely breathe as she felt him swell inside her, he pushed harder and faster until she thought he might actually hurt her. It should have scared her, maybe, but she wasn't wired that way and she trusted him. It was exhilarating. It was his turn to cry out, and she felt him pulsing inside her. He swore and bore down on her, pushing her face into the mattress. Shuddering, he let go of her hair and held himself steady with his hands on her ass. She was breathing so hard she was light headed. She focused on that for a few seconds until she thought she could move again. He pulled himself out of her slowly but it still made her whimper. She rolled onto her back and rubbed at her face, pushing her hair out of her eyes. Cayde sat on the bed, looking both smug and bewildered. His eyes had gone back to their normal light blue and he rested his chin in his hand, studying her. Silence hung between them, a long pregnant pause. So much they both wanted to say. She sat up and put a hand on his knee.

"You okay?" She queried, concern written on her face. He laughed quietly.

"I was gonna ask you that. I didn't...hurt you too much, did I?"

"Not too much, no. Just the right amount." She winked at him and the smile she gave him was full of filthy promise.

"You are a dirty, dirty girl, Lost. I would say I'm shocked, but I'm not. Not really." He reached out to stroke her hair.

"You love it." She grinned.

"That I do. There's a lot I love about you."

She blushed furiously, which was ridiculous, given the circumstances. That made her blush more.

"Really? _Now_ you start blushing? You're a funny one. Keeps me on my little metal toes, though."

"You think I'm unpredictable? That's rich coming from you, cowboy." She poked him. "I mean one minute we're fighting, the next we're fucking. It's insane." Her eyes widened at the realisation.

"Neither of which has happened before, I might add. Two new crazy experiences we've had together. In just one night, and all we had to do was leave the City. I believe they call it "make up sex."" He made quote marks in the air. He chuckled and shook his head in disbelief.

"Can I ask you something, Cayde? Something personal, about you and me. Couple of things, actually."

He lay down and put his hands behind his head. She wanted to rest against him but it felt too intimate, somehow.

"How long...have you...erm..." _Just say it, honestly. I think you're past that stage now, Lostara._

"How long have I wanted you? Come here, snuggle me." She went to him, her head resting on his chest, her leg on his. He moved an arm and curled it around her, his fingers stroking her shoulder. She relaxed and sighed contentedly, stroked his chest. Nothing had felt so safe in a long time.

"Longer than I care to admit, really. Couple of months after you joined the Vanguard. I liked your eyes, then your shooting, then your ass. Your laugh. Then I got to know you and I was done for. Told myself to keep my distance, but you being a fellow Hunter, well that wasn't really practical. Then we got a little flirty and I thought you must know. So I pushed it sometimes, tried to tell you, in my own stupid way. But I didn't want to scare you off. We'd become such good friends and I didn't want to fuck it up. Sundance knew, Ikora suspected. Even sent me a cryptic message about putting duty above personal desire. Big Blue has no idea, obviously...so yeah. Quite a long time, Lost. And I finally found you, for real." He kissed the top of her head and smiled to himself.

"Cayde...holy shit." She sounded genuinely surprised.

"Sorry. Too much?" He looked embarrassed. She kissed his cheek.

"Not at all. I've been trying to talk myself out of it for nearly five years. Never believed anything would come of it. Never thought it was possible, until maybe recently, but I figured you were just being glib. There were so many reasons why I shouldn't have feelings for you, so many reasons why it either wouldn't work or wouldn't be allowed. But above all I just didn't believe you'd see me that way."

"Oh, Lost. I saw you, believe me. And those reasons might have held me back once, but I'm done caring about that. I think I stopped trying to hide it the second you walked into the hangar. I hadn't seen you for weeks and I knew I couldn't keep sitting on it, couldn't let you disappear again without telling you, somehow. That's why we're here, I guess. Oh. I have a confession. Two, actually."

"Oh, fuck. What did you do?" She sat up slightly.

"Well for one, I peeked. And no I'm not sorry. Totally worth it." He grinned and she smacked him softly, gasping in faux horror.

"You bastard."

"Mmhmm. Honestly Lost, you've got no idea what that did to me. And I tried to stop myself, I did, but all these years of imagining you naked and suddenly you're stripping off in the same room? I might be an Exo but I'm still a man. Cut me some slack."

"You're forgiven. And I think I have some idea." She ran her fingers along his cock, which started to grow again in response to her touch.

"Stop it you. Coz I don't think you could handle it again right now." He raised an eyebrow.

"You might be right. Doesn't mean I wouldn't try..." She smirked at him and he looked away, unable to contain a smile.

"Nope. Dirty girl." They both sniggered and she leaned over to plant several kisses on his face. He held her in his arm and enjoyed her attention for a few seconds before clearing his throat, an old habit from his human life. "And that brings us to confession number two. I'm not sure I actually have those parts. But I knew you'd talk me into leaving, so I let you, even though I knew it was wrong. I shouldn't have left really, but we needed the break. And I needed to spend time with you. Mostly to make sure you were alright, what with Shin and all that. And partly because I thought it might give me the courage to spill my guts."

"Ah. Well, shit. Holliday will be pissed. I'm not though, not really. Yeah it was manipulative, and if you do that to me again then I will be pissed. But it's hard to be mad with you right now. I'm all out of hardcore emotion for a while."

"Wow. I should fuck you more often, huh?" She laughed, a throaty chuckle, and met his eyes.

"Yes, yes you should. Which brings me to my next question. Where does this leave us? What do we do now? I mean... I don't think I can go back to how things were. This has changed everything, Cayde."

"It certainly has. As your Vanguard, I say we keep it on the down low, at least for a while. As your lover... I say I meant what I said earlier. I'm yours, if you'll have me." His face was as honest as she'd ever seen it. She smiled at him and stroked his face.

"You've somehow made me happier in one night than anyone has in a lifetime, even though you also made me really, really mad." She chided him. "So yeah I reckon I could do that."

"You reckon, huh? Well that's good." They both laughed. She kissed him again, tenderly. Then she lay down on her side in the crook of his arm. She felt him turn to press up against her back. He put an arm around her and they fell silent. Sleep took them quickly and for the first time in a while they both slept deeply and dreamlessly.

Morning came too soon, and she was woken suddenly by a familiar voice. She squinted as a harsh blue light glared at her, inches away from her face. Ghost did not sound pleased, but at least he whispered.

"I thought you were being attacked, you know. You're lucky that Sundance convinced me not to intervene. What were you thinking, Guardian? I told you to be careful." She tried to gather enough wakefulness to reply. All she managed was a croak. "Nice to know you're happy for me, buddy. I had a great night, by the way."

"So I see." He scanned the room, taking note of all the clothes that had been thrown around the place. A glass had been knocked over and there was some green liquid on the foot of the bed. The table that their weapons had been on lay on its side, the guns sat next to each other on the floor.

"Make yourself scarce whilst we get dressed. We can all talk over coffee, okay?"

"Hmmm." He buzzed in annoyance but disappeared. She just caught his light going towards the door. No doubt Sundance was outside waiting for his report. She turned over and woke Cayde up by putting a leg over him and pressing herself as close as possible. He sleepily responded with a hand gently squeezing her ass. His eyes flicked open and he smiled.

"So it wasn't just a really hot dream. Thank the Nine." He smiled and ran his hand up to her chest, stroked her softly. She sighed.

"Definitely real. My bruises can attest to that." She pushed him onto his back and sat on him.

"Uh oh. I wouldn't Lost, it's got a mind of its own in the morning." He smirked.

"I'm just teasing. We've got a tiny interrogation to face. And there's something I want to show you." She kissed the ornamental horn on his forehead. Her mind was clearer than it had been for weeks. _I know what to do now. Or I always knew, but now I actually think I can do it_.

She washed herself down whilst Cayde made coffee outside. She ached, almost everywhere. She winced as she washed between her legs, but cherished the pain. It meant it was real, it really had happened. She thought back to just a few hours before and almost cringed, the memory was wonderful and embarrassing. _All my inhibitions just vanished. The anger, then the lust...it all just broke loose. I think it had to, but...I almost didn't recognise myself. Maybe he just has that effect on me. Or maybe it was the drink...or both._

She could hear him chatting with Sundance and Ghost. By the sarcastic tone of his voice she knew that Ghost was lecturing him. Clean and dressed once more, she opened the door and stepped out. In her hands she held a chest with flowers embossed on it. She frowned at it, not wanting to hold it too long. Caydes voice was thin with irritation.

"...in fact, I'm gonna go and invite the whole damn City to the wedding. You can be best man if you promise to just please, shut up." He heard her behind him and stood up, turning around.

"Here comes the blushing bride. Coffee awaits, m'lady." He bowed with a flourish. _Back to his usual self I see._

"I don't even wanna know. Thanks, coffee is very much needed."

"Tired, are we?" Remarked Sundance with laughter in her voice. "You're lucky I stopped him last night. He's had an education, anyway. He won't freak out so much next time. I mean, he's worried, but like...I think he gets it now." She paused and hovered close to Lostaras ear as she sat down next to Cayde. The brightly coloured Ghost glinted in the sun and whispered "There will be a, uh, next time. Won't there?" Lostara nearly spat out her coffee.

"Well, I. Hmm. I think so, 'Dance. I just need a day or two to recover." She whispered back and winked at the curious little Ghost. She spun around happily.

"Yay! I'm so happy for him, and you. Honestly he's been pining -"

"Yeah okay, 'Dance, that's enough outta you. Go and check for Vex, please. And for the record, Cayde-6 doesn't pine." He interjected. "Whatcha got there, gorgeous?" He nodded to the chest at her feet. She beamed at him, hardly able to believe how easily they'd fallen into acting like a couple. It was going to be hard to hide it back home. _Focus._

"This, well. This is what caused my... Freak out. You know I said I'd been to the EDZ? Well this is the reason I was away so long. I couldn't talk about it before, didn't know how to. Another gift from Shin, with another annoyingly cryptic letter. I hated him for this. But I've had an epiphany, one I believe Shin was hoping I'd have. I get it now. I think I finally understand ol' Malphur and why he picked me. He knows I'm flawed, he knows I have doubts. And to try and always do what is right despite the doubts, the temptations...that's the trick to it." She opened the latch and with a click the lid swung open. A sickly black and green miasma eminated from a gun that sat on a layer of black velvet. Cayde hissed. He knew exactly what that was.

"Everybody, I'd like you to meet Thorn. The actual, Thorn. Hidden away by Shin all these years, now passed to me. It's been sat in this box, driving me crazy. Tempting me, scaring the shit out of me. But no more." She inhaled slowly.

"Lost, c'mon now...I mean. That thing is darkness incarnate. You don't wanna be part of that legacy. Remember what you said last night?"

Ghost popped up.

"Just hear her out, Cayde. I think our girl has a plan. You do have a plan, don't you?" His voice was a mixture of pride and concern.

"It's time to change that legacy. Together. Seems my fate is somehow linked to Malphur, Yor. The Drifter. It's the weapons. The Light, the Darkness. And now..."

"The shadow." Cayde said with reverence in his voice. "Fuck me, you're a genius."

"Already did. And it was you who gave me the idea. It hit me this morning whilst I mulled things over. The grey area. How we lay our lives down, how we do questionable things for the right reasons. How we were drawn together from the start. It's so clear to me now." She reached in and gingerly ran a finger down the jagged barrel. Hive corruption licked at her, but it seemed repelled by her touch. The two Ghosts and Cayde stared at her, seemingly unable to look away. Her voice was light, almost meditative.

"Only light can dispell the corruption. We've got that in spades. The original gun was not corrupt. It was just a gun, although a powerful one. Underneath this abomination known as Thorn, lies a Rose. And I intend to get her back. Then make her into something new, something that is anathema to the corruption but still retains it's power. A weapon that may even heal as well as kill. If we can use the light to restore her, destroy the corruption but not the power of darkness, we can make something born of both, yet more powerful than either. I believe that our light is strong enough, but we're also flexible enough to accept the inbetweens, the grey areas. I've spent so long fearing that the Darkness would break me, but now I think I can use it, bend it to _my_ will. Many Guardians can't do that yet, but we can, Cayde. This could be our legacy. No longer will they talk about Yor and Thorn, but of her, of us, and how something beautiful can be made in the shadow. The Weapon of Hope." She gestured at Thorn and smiled, her face full of wonder.

Cayde whistled and put his arm around her. "Now that, is a mighty big plan. And definitely Vanguard business. We might be away for some time. I'm guessing it's going to involve a lot of killing. Crying shame." He had Ace in his hand quicker than a blink.

"Yeah, that's the snag. We've gotta actually find enough stuff to kill. We need to go and cause a ruckus somewhere, draw them all out. We'll have to discuss this with the Vanguard. Someone has to know something. And I need to get a message to Shin, somehow." She ran a hand through her hair and looked pensive.

"Well, I know for a fact that Ikora had a message from Eris not long ago. She's been real cagey about it. Might be time to get curious." He tapped his chin.

"It's a start. Right, we need to see Failsafe before we go. Hey, she might have some parts for us to give to Holliday!"

"Ugh I hope so. Last thing I need is her pissed at me."

"I'll protect you." She nudged him playfully.

"Always the hero." He laughed. Until he saw her expression, suddenly sombre.

"Just promise me Cayde. If I fail, you'll see it through. This has to be done."

"Hey, hey. I told you. No matter what. I'll never fold on you. And we won't fail. We're the dream team!"

She kissed him firmly. When they finally opened their eyes she could see his had darkened.

"Later." She promised, grinning.

"Can't wait." He smirked at her, running a hand down her neck and looking at her chest.

"So. Failsafe. Parts. Back home. Face the music, ask difficult questions. Then onwards to defeating the Darkness. Sounds easy enough, right?" She lifted his chin with a finger.

"Oh, yeah. Totally. They'll love it."

"When has that ever stopped you?"

"Good point. They won't let me go easily though, Lost."

"I won't do it without you. I found myself again because of you. And I'm not willing to risk losing my shit again. For the first time in ages I actually have some...well, some hope."

"See. My Lost and Found. Ooh that's what we should call the gun! "

"Cayde..."

"You know it's great, you're just jealous you didn't think of it first. The Last Word really does suit you, you know."

"Oh, really. Do explain?"

"Don't need to."

"You're infuriating."

"You weren't saying that last night..."

Their jovial bickering faded as they boarded the ship. The gun that would be remade and given a new name locked safely away in its box, under Lostaras arm. The Ghosts flew behind the Hunters, silently knowing that a great deal of danger and hopefully, glory lay ahead of them. Knowing their Light would be sorely tested, but that together, maybe these two could be the ones to change history in more ways than they could imagine.

If only they could survive what was coming.


End file.
